Self-care for Warriors

You wake up everyday with a sense of purpose, determination, and inspiration. You’re not satisfied with simply going about life like everyone else, following one path of – career, family, wealth- you know, the “normal” societal elements of success. It’s not that you don’t want those things, but maybe not now, because there is more in your heart and a sense of being unfulfilled that is motivating you to seek out new adventures and discover what truly makes you feel courageous, beautiful, and kind. You ask yourself, who am I, who am I to others, and who am I to the world?

A lot of my clients are driven, successful, and passionate about their work. Whether it’s an executive who is leading a team to take on a new and innovative product, or a stay-at-home parent taking care of 3 young children while starting an online business, they are driven by a purpose to continue challenging their skills and creativity to make an impact in this world.

You are so used to being strong, independent, and committed. You understand that the overused saying, “Nothing worth having comes easy,” is just the Fact. (By the way, did you know that the original quote was by Theodore Roosevelt?” So if there is something that you want or desire to achieve, then it takes hard work, perseverance, and sometimes sacrifice. So it’s this sense of “OK, I want this, so I’ll dig my heels in, and when it gets tough I will visualize that moment when it all pays off, and knowing that I’ve done something I didn’t think was possible, so let’s get to it.”

Passion is exhilarating, intoxicating, and You know that saying of “burning” with passion? Well, passion drives you to work tirelessly and seek out higher and higher difficulty level of success, but if you are not careful to refuel and recharge, you can develop Burnout.

The term “Burnout” was first defined in the 1970s by the American psychologist Herbert Freudenberger, referring to a person’s psychological state of “long-term exhaustion and diminished interest in work.” These consequences are frequently associated with the extreme stress and high ideals of those in “helping” professions. But Burnout has been observed in all professions and fields.

Symptoms of Burnout include:

• Exhaustion
• Alienation from (work-related) activities
• Reduced performance

If not managed and dealt with, Burnout will spread into other areas of your life, affecting your personal relationships, self esteem, and your ability to experience pleasure in your interests. It can also make work, which you actually enjoy, feel heavy and dreadful.

So how can we deal with this?

Well, the first step is Awareness, and if you are reading this article and can relate to what’s discussed, then you have achieved Step One! So now, it’s time to do a little self research:

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1. Take a Mindful Minute

Life is busy. From the moment we wake up in the morning, the next step is to work, and then there’s the next thing, then the next, then the next… So at the end of the day, it can feel as if so much as happened and yet when we try to recap the past ~16 hours (depending on how much you sleep), the mind is blank and yet we are physically and emotionally drained. Ugh, what a terrible feeling!

We can begin to change that by starting small: set a reminder on your phone to take a break every 2 hours to take a walk, or just close your eyes, if only for one minute. To start out, aim for 3 times a day, maybe after each meal. Eventually, you’ll find that this small break allows you to recenter your mind, and recharge you for greater work ahead.

2. Schedule fun

Fun sometimes has a bad rep. Particularly when work is busy, there is a pressure to be on the move every single second, or otherwise you’re not doing enough. And even when you do have a moment of rest, there is a sense of unrest and guilt to take time off. Either way, we end up feeling tired and unfulfilled.

So let’s break that cycle.

Just like you block out time for appointments, meetings, and other responsibilities and obligations, you must do the same for relaxation and enjoyment. Creating an Event in your calendar marks it as important, and so must this time for yourself. Commit to a minimum of one hour per day. I’m not saying you need to go bungee-jumping or have a wild night of partying, but maybe read a book, listen to a podcast, go for a walk, spend some time in the gym, get coffee with friends, watch a TV episode, etc. If you find this silly and are rolling your eyes thinking that you really don’t have time for this, think about the time that you waste when you are tired and unable to concentrate. When we do something we enjoy, our brain creates dopamine – a hormone associated with pleasure and reward. After satisfying your sweet tooth, life feels brighter and you’re now ready to jump back in.

Also, actually, fun can mean that you just sit on the couch doing absolutely nothing except staring at the ceiling, or taking a nap (but watch how that affects your sleep). The point is to be in the habit of prioritizing your own well-being as part of the definition of success.

3. Let’s talk about it

There is a common mentality of, “Just suck it up, stop whining, this is just life” when it comes to discussing Burnout. There is a pressure to be tough, and an association with suffering through pain and strength. But actually, that’s not really the case.

It takes vulnerability to admit that you need help or are struggling, because you’re opening yourself to the anxiety of others questioning and judging your competence, or being made fun of. So to admit that, “Hey, yes, I’m struggling a bit right now” takes some guts. But the reason why this shows courage rather than weakness is because being able to admit fault means you have to have faith that this is just a singular event, and says nothing about something fundamental about who you are. Because this is situational, there’s is no problem admitting the truth, because you know that next time around, you’ll be back to your old self, able to handle the physical and mental strength it takes to keep kicking ass at your job.

So now, talking about this becomes a form of release, just like talking to family, friends, or co-workers about other troubles helps you gain a new perspective and give you emotional release. It additionally helps to normalize your struggles.

4. Write it out

Stress and anxiety not only manifests physically, but psychologically as thoughts swimming in your head and creating what feels like navigating through a gray layer of smog that weighs you down on every level. Maybe you have multiple problems demanding your attention at once, and you’re trying to target them all, and yet uncertain how to begin. For many people, the consequence becomes feeling too paralyzed and overwhelmed to decide on a point to start the process. But your lack of action makes you feel worse because it only reinforces your negative belief that you are incapable of making the changes needed live the life that you want. This in turn lowers your self-esteem and you feel even more unmotivated to act.

So if you ever get the sense that your mind looks like a messy, dirty, uncleaned bedroom, just step back, grab some paper and writing utensil, and just write down your stream of consciousness. Basically, whatever that is in your head, including “Oh my gosh, this is so stupid. I don’t know what to write, so here I am writing about not writing…” all goes on the page.

5. See beyond yourself

This point makes 2 references:

When we are caught in the anxiety spiral, it’s hard to see the way out. Not only are we feeling the stress, but we are also experiencing the self blame (“This is your own fault, you deserve it”), frustration (“Why won’t this stop? This really hurts”), and helplessness (“This will never end”). It’s natural to then fall into self-pity. But when you feel that hitting-against-the-wall-stuck feeling, go online and look up some volunteering opportunities in your area (i.e. Volunteer Match) and find ways to do things for others, no matter how small. Better yet, if you tend to isolate, get outside, go to the store – hold the door for someone. Or ride the bus, and give up your seat to someone else. When you consider the well-being of others, your mind gets a break from the negative emotions, and often this pause is enough to clear your mind so that you can utilize better address the source of the anxiety.

Another interpretation to “See beyond yourself” is to practice spirituality. If you are religious, going to a place of worship or reading the religious text can remind you that life at this moment is not permanent, because a Higher Power is guiding your path. If you don’t follow a particular religion, but believe in the concept of a Higher Power or Being, then find ways to speak to whom is inside you and ask for guidance. This helps you realize that you are not alone. If you are an atheist or are on anywhere else of this spectrum, this still applies. Maybe you find peace with nature, comfort to be around animals, or zen with art- find the path of least resistance and maximize flow.

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In order for your lifestyle to be sustainable, it is important to understand when to push forward, and when to pull back. It’s just like in running – if you wanted to run a full marathon at 23.1 miles, it’s humanly impossible to sustain a 100 meter sprint pace to a race over 350 times as long. It’s OK to have a fast start, but then you must pace yourself. Especially because work ≠ your entire life. Therefore, setting realistic goals, managing your expectations, and being aware of your boundaries are crucial skills in being successful in the long run.

Sometimes, giving 100% is not giving 100% 100% of the time, which can lead to a quick burst and then quick burnout and runs you to 0%. Rather, allow yourself to organically perform within a range that allows for a consistent fulfillment, social support, self-care, financial stability, and a little extra room for the unexpected things that life throws at you. If you are doubting this concept right now, give it a try! Nothing to lose, right? If things don’t work out, just go back to how you’ve been doing things. But be honest with yourself: Are you living the life that you want right now?

To start out with, try one of the 5 techniques provided above, and give yourself 1-2 weeks. Not each of them doesn’t work for everyone. Another thing is that if you identify with Burnout, and yet feel resistant to making sustainable changes, what is stopping you?

If the answer is that you don’t know, or that it feels uncomfortable, or if it’s fear, then that’s more reason to give it a try!

After all, what is fun without a few challenges along the way?