How “real” are you on your first date?

From online to in-person: how to have the most authentic first date.

FINALLY– the moment of truth.

After days to weeks of messaging and texting, it is finally time to meet in-person. The anticipation is exciting but also understandably nerve wrecking. Will the first date amplify your connection or fall short of expectations?

In recent years, online dating has evolved to become an art and a skill. Success often depends on factors such as creating the right profile that is both maximally enticing and specific enough to filter unwanted solicitations, and sending messages with just the right amount of personality, brevity, and frequency. Even if you consider yourself an experienced dater, finding a potential long-term match through websites and apps can remain a mysterious and anxiety-provoking process. You also need a little bit of luck.

But wait. Before you over-analyze, simply Breathe and  Relax. This will not the last love candidate for you on Earth. You don’t have to decide instantaneously if this is The One. Just because you’ve already invested in the relationship and have committed to a date does not mean that you are stuck, even for the next hour. If 10 seconds in and you simply don’t find them engaging, thank them for their time and walk away (politely and gently, of course)! And no you wouldn’t be an awful person because you’re just being honest and respectful of the other person’s time and feelings, and your own. Or despite weak instantaneous chemistry, you give it some time and see if attraction grows as the conversation continues. Whatever the situation, remember that it’s within your power to decide.

While dating means opening up your heart to the unknown, you should reserve that space only for people who have earned your trust and are worthy of your love. Managing your expectations is not the same as being pessimistic; it means being hopeful each time for the possibility of finding a real connection, but accepting that even if in the worst case, things don’t work out, at least you had the opportunity to learn about someone you’d have never met otherwise in this over-populated world. If it’s the other way around and the other person is the one to break things off with you, then better now than later, even if rejection stings no matter how much you intellectualize the situation. Just remember that having a genuine romantic spark is something special, so it makes sense that it doesn’t happen every single time.

When you detach your self-worth from the outcome, it takes the pressure off of the need to be perfect, and you will relax and feel comfortable just being your own person. That self-confidence will shine through and make the other person like you even more! If you are too stressed out, you will be poor company since being too self-absorbed and preoccupied with your own insecurities make you incapable of being fully present with another person. That can come across as lack of interest, or having a tense personality. So sometimes caring less makes you even more attractive.

Finding true love is a journey. It takes courage to be able to put everything on the line, but also not be afraid to walk away if you feel unappreciated or out-of-sync. After all, it’s only the first date, what do you have to lose? Sure, your ego might be bruised and you might be disappointed,  but that’s a risk worth taking to find a true partner. So before your next date, remind yourself that this is the moment you’ve been waiting for, and there is something to be learned from every experience.