Are you tired of listening to other people telling you how to live YOUR life?

“Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice.”

Steve Jobs

Starting from childhood, we are constantly exposed to the opinions, expectations, and judgments from our parents, friends, and of course, the rest of society. We begin to internalize what is “normal” course of life, the expectations of society. We internalize those as facts of generate a road map in our heads of how life “should” be.

But then for some of us, at least those with a moderate level of self awareness and open-mindedness, we begin to question the status quo. Maybe it was triggered by an event, or just through an accumulation of a sense of discontent, or perhaps a result of a curious mind. So we ask ourselves: Is this what we want? Is this a good choice? At this point, there is an internal struggle to defend our old viewpoints and to stand by them firmly, because thinking otherwise feels like a personal attack of our self-worth. At the same time, it becomes ever more difficult to ignore that nagging feeling that we are not where we are meant to be,

So now, what do we do? You’ve heard of those stereotypical stories of a mid-life crises right? It’s the story of someone who appeared to be going along life swimmingly, and then suddenly hit with panic that NOTHING in life is correct, and then what follows are desperate attempts to regain equilibrium. Well, some people don’t even have luxury of hitting such a critical point, and may in fact go through their entire lives unaware. But back to the mid-life crisis, the chaos associated with that psychological state is what gives life changes such a bad rep, as if something must be seriously wrong for someone to make changes. But that’s a gross misunderstanding.

In fact, self-reflection is a natural, crucial and beautiful part of life. With courage, we can all take on this challenge.

So where do we begin? Well, like with starting anything new, we have to first test out the waters, initiate the process, and then improve and repeat.

The Process looks something like this:

1. Conduct Preliminary Research: What led you to take action TODAY? Why Now? What are the areas that make you the most uncomfortable? What has bothered you for the longest time? *** Try to list no more than 3
2. Define your vision – in no more than 3 sentences, describe the life that you want to live. If you are unsure, Step one should have shown you the aspects that you do NOT want. In this exercise, you have to assume no limitations – social, physical emotional financial, or otherwise – and dream BIG. The purpose of identifying the dream-come-true is to provide you with motivation for change. Maybe you think your dream is too big, too unrealistic, that you are undeserving, blah blah blah. But NO. Restrain the negativity, screw the self doubt, dream without boundaries!
3. Prioritize – What is bothering you the most? Maybe it’s the triggering event. It could also be the component that if resolves, would reduce the maximum emotional baggage or create the least physical impact. *** Try for no more than 3! Organize according to 1- Most pressing, and 3- on the lower pressing end.
4. Break it down– Start with your #1 from Step 3 – the MOST pressing. Draw a line on a piece of paper. On one end, define your current state of being; on the other, define the vision that resolves the issue. And in between these extremes, fill in a few blanks that represent the smaller steps you can take to go from one end to the other. This also means setting smaller goals – SMART goals – that will give you consistent jolts of achievement, creating a snowball effect of motivation to continue your journey. (Refresher: SMART means Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound).
5. Time to take the leap! Take the first step out of the ones you listed from Step 4. It could be the smallest, easiest, most trivial thing EVER. Maybe one of your goals was to simply write down your goals. You can say let me step 1. open a word document, 2. title my word document, 3. take a walk, 4. Begin typing. Like many things, getting started takes the most psychological energy, but once you get past activation energy (science nerd!), the ball gets rolling.
6. Track your accomplishments- Well yes, in retrospect, simply opening up the Word doc is a bit trivial, but remember that at that time, that action was momentous. So buy a sticker book, give yourself a star. For bigger milestones, such as having had a difficult conversation with your boss or significant other, take some self-care time. 

These six steps speak to the logistics, but remember that this will be difficult, because otherwise they would already be accomplished. There will be critics who will shake you, but that may be due to their own baggage and how they project their own insecurities and regrets onto you. Either way, it’s about them, NOT you. So feel the burn, and then keep moving. Others won’t directly attack you, but will indirectly challenge your general sanity. They make you doubt yourself: What am I doing this again? Why do I have to make myself so difficult by doing this whole Finding Happiness business? But a honest dose of self doubt is natural, so accept them and acknowledge them as a part of the process. 

Then REGROUP!

Go back to the Vision statement you wrote in Step 2 to remind yourself of the WHY. 

1. Because I cannot continue living this unhappy life
2. Because I want more than wake up, work, eat, sleep, repeat. 
3. Because I want to be a better example for my children. 
4. Because I want to give that dream one more shot. 
5. Because when I die, I want to have lived to no regret.